You messed up.
Well, maybe you did. But maybe you didn’t.
Or maybe you feel guilty for something you did, or you feel bad for not living up to someone elses standards of what your life should be like.
Well let me tell you something, shame is something that was around from the beginning of time. Shoot, Adam and Eve felt ashamed when they sinned and were found naked. That’s what shame feels like. Being naked in front of the world. No ability to hide yourself. Nothing.
Earlier this year I read a book called, UNASHAMED by Christine Caine. The book was about her life story and how her childhood incidents continuously caused her to hide within herself; always feeling like she wasn’t good enough. While reading, my favourite part of the book was when she explained the difference between guilt and shame.
“Guilt says you did something wrong.
Shame says you are wrong.”
There is a HUGE difference between, “You messed up” and
“YOU’RE messed up”.
That’s what shame does. Shame teaches us that we are wrong. That we are defected. That we’ll never be good enough for ourselves, the world, our parents or our loved ones. Shame tricks us and tells us we are not enough.
Somehow this way of thinking crept back in my mind.It stopped bothering me for a long time, but as soon as the sand in my aquarium got stirred up, it got really toxic in there and I started getting attacked by my own thoughts.
That has been my life the last two years.
What do you do when you get what you’ve always wanted; but it doesn’t quite seem like what you wanted anymore?
This one moment I realized that I had to change my thoughts in order to change myself.
It’s hard.It hurts.
It’s a process.
But it’s a process I have to face for the sake of my growth and maturity. I am relearning my self. I am unlearning these thinking systems that were given to me by others, and I am learning to not seek for approval from others, no matter how much I relied on it before.
So often we get sucked in the outer appearance of things, and forget the most important part – the inside. We have to live with ourselves everyday, so what are you going to do to make you happy.
To help you out I made a list of a few things you can do right now to live a shame free life:
1. Right Your Wrongs
Sometimes you actually messed up. When things are in your power to fix, fix it. Send them a message. Return back their money you borrowed. Finish that project. SAY sorry, and be own to forgive others that have wronged you. Don’t live with that cloud over your head when you know it can be the one to do something about it.
2. Start Listening to You
So many people have good intentions for your life, but at the end of the day you will die alone. Don’t get me wrong accountability is important. Have people in your lives, like mentors, pastors, and friends are good! AND needed. But we’re all humans, and sometimes people’s opinions don’t add up to your lived experience. YOU went through it, and sometimes people don’t see the full picture, no matter how much you try to explain it. Listen be greatful (that’s how I spell it okay, FULL of greatness) for their help, but do what ‘feels’ right to you. Which leads me to number three.
3. Don’t Always Trust your Feelings
TRUST me! Ugh. I trusted my feelings all my life, and I am trying to learn to navigate life without always relying on them. Well Josie what are you saying? Let me explain. You know when you work out and it hurts? The pressure is too much, or you got a Charlie Horse, or you Just. Can’t. Breath! Yeah. Well what does your body say to do? Stop. But what do you need to tell yourself if you want to see some kind of valuable results. KEEP GOING JOSIE! Well that’s it. Sometimes I think our hearts and minds work in the same way. They need to be worked out and pushed. And if I saw you in pain I could do one of two things, tell you to stop, or tell you to keep going. But without knowing your internal feelings I might not know which one to say, cause if your hurting of course I’d want you to stop. BUT if you’re running a race, OF COURSE I’d keep pushing you to keep going.
With that said, I am still going through this process. I’ve realized, I need to keep pushing, for me, and for my future. I know that my life is greater than I can imagine, and no matter what, pressure makes diamonds, I just happen to be one of them. And If you’ve been feeling like this too, welcome to the club.
You are not alone.
And you, you are good enough.
– SIGNED jla